The Curse.
Years ago I dated this girl. Who loved me with all her heart. Even though we were young her heart told her I was the one.
Stupid ol' me didnt want to be her first boyfriend, her first everything. I saw that as an inconvenience and a hassle. I prefered someone more, shall we say, "seasoned." Experienced in matters of love.
Stupid ol' me.
Well I grew distant, cold, uncaring, and empty towards her. She made the painful (albeit smart) decision of letting me go. It hurt her more than it hurt me. A day later, I had forgotten her and our relationship of four months.
Four years later I met a girl. By chance and by fate, she was young and inexperienced. For lustful reasons I fell for her physically and quickly forgot my selfish wants and reasoning of four years previous, where I wanted someone experienced and seasoned. Here was this young girl, unprepared, inexperienced and I would be her first everything. I said heaven be damned and went for it.
One year later and a lot of drama, tears and heartbreak later, it proved to be the most catastrophic relationship I have ever been in. Catastrophic in the sense that I actually fell for her, cared for her, loved her.
Stupid ol' me who had never really loved before, actually fell for this inexperienced, unseasoned, unprepared and immature person. I fell
Much like the first girl had fallen for me years before, a selfish, uncaring, undeserving asshole.
Well it seemed as if ol' Karma had caught up with me. Lesson learned. Then after this tearful break-up, began what I call the curse.
I met girls. Lots of them. Girls that said I was awesome. A great guy. Cute. Handsome. Funny. Great to be with. An excellent lover. Smart. What they were looking for in a guy (these were actual quotes, I seldom toot my own horn).
Just one catch: They didnt want to be with me.
Yes, I was quite a catch. Everything they wanted and more. But they just couldnt be with me.
One reason was they balked at the prospect of a relationship. Another reason was that they still harbored feelings for past flames. Third reason was that they were unprepared for a relationship but preferred a friendship with this guy whom they deemed awesome, yet didnt want anything else but a platonic relationship.
Why?
The curse.
So I blamed those I wronged. In particular Girl No. 2 of my story. Perhaps even Girl No. One. I blamed No. 2 because I loved her, and still do. She hurt me and I hurt her. We both came out emotionally scared. But my selfish egocentrical personality chooses to blame her.
Girl No. 1 was perhaps so hurt by my rejection that she bestowed upon me some Gypsy curse of old where Im destined to meet girl after girl after girl, who simply REFUSES to be with me for one reason or another.
Im cursed to wander the earth meeting girls who apperently are really atracted to me, and all of a sudden as a bubble that grows large, pops. And the interest is no longer there. Bye ! I'll call ya ! .
From 2008 to 2012, in four years, this has happened more than 5 times and less than 10 times. Each time I was replaced by an ex flame, they chose to return to a tumultous relationship with a neglectful baby daddy, or just simply gave up.
Others I just never heard from again. They joined the Jimmy Hoffa-DB Cooper- Ambrose Bierce club. Two of these girls simply stopped talking to me out of nowhere, after having good friendships and relationships with them, they just. stopped. talking. to. me.
So this made me think there was some sort of curse. Kind of like the Camelot curse that supposedly plagued the Kennedys. I hope this isnt one that plagues the Caro males. Where they meet woman after woman and never finding any relationship. Being discarded like used tissues.
I seem to be like "Good luck Chuck". Meet me and shortly after you shall meet your soul mate. This happened twice. One is in a long term relationship, another recently got engaged and will soon marry.
Others simply prefered their exs or baby daddys. They went backwards instead of forward. Even though I was "awesome and cute and will make someone very happy" one day. One fucking day.
So now I sit and wonder why Im never the one. Never the one to drive that girl wild and make her swoon. Have her miss me and want to spend time with me. Im just a waiting area until something better comes along.
Victim of "the curse".
Perhaps I have been ignorant to the real cause along. Perhaps the curse, is me.
I am the curse. I somehow ruin the relationships. Where the girl is forced to flee to the past. Cause well...
The devil you know, is better than the devil you dont know.
I had someone that loved me truly. I didnt want her. I had someone I could of cherished, and I didnt. So I lost her too. Now im stuck in a emotional purgatory till God knows when
Only time will tell. One day day Ill find my "soul mate" like all the girls I talked to did.
One day I'll be rid of the curse. If there is one at all. One day I'll change
Before Its too late. And I realize while I was out counting stars, I missed out on the beautiful Moon.
THE END
