Cinco de Mayo For Gangstas

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

cinco de mayo

is not mexican independence day. here is what happened, since a lotta people dont like history ill break it down so ppl can understand.Ok. so France, which is always trying to get all up in peoples grills all the time, came to mexico and imposed its pupper dictator Maximillian and his wife Carlotta (Charlotte for u guys who dont know what Carlotta means).France wanted to colonize mexico but the proud mexicans, who were always pissed off about sumthing and drunk on mezcal said "Fuck that Shit!" Fuck France.So they declared war on France and got their mexican asses WOOPED son, BUT on May 5, 1862, outside the city of Puebla (where they make camote, CAMOTEROS) da pissed off mexicans drunk on mezcal gathered all pointy and sharp things they could find. machetes, sticks, old rifles, knives, sling shots, pitchfolks, farm tools, whatever they could find to make them fuckin franceses cry like the little bitches that they are. Weel they werent really peasants fighting the French it was actual Mexican troops but you know, whatever.So under General Ignacio Zaragoza (the guy on the 500 mexican peso bank note, dude with the glasses) they fought the french and wooped their ass good, i mean the french got fuckin SCRAPED, thousands and thousands of french ran off screaming "Mon Dieu, les mexicaines Non!!! AHHH!" a few hundred pissed off mexicans with sharp and pokey things won the battle. No cannons, bayonets or muskets were match for a drunk pissed off Camotero.So thats Cinco de Mayo...Carlota and Maximillian were kicked out Chapultepec Castle in Mexico City, Maximillian was executed by the Juaristas and Carlotta went Street Rat crazy, and we still eat tacos and tequila instead of croissants and wine.Shows thats when a Mexican really believes in something they can accomplish anything. Not todays generation though. they a bunch of lazy fucks.

THE END

"Las Armas Nacionales se han cubierto de Gloria"- Message to Pres. Benito Juarez from General Zaragoza, translation "We wooped the french's ass , son!

"Interesting Facts if France would of conquered Mexique (Mexico)* The Frenchicans would be running heroin out of the port of "Manzanilloux"* Wine during breakfast lunch and dinner.*The US would of declared war on Ville du Mexique (Mexico City) for infecting everybody with Influenza Swine Flu H1N1 Frenchmans Disease.*98 percent of Frenchicans would be fresas. white, blonde skinned fresas.*Mexico City would still look like Paris like it did in the 1800's*Tacos would not exist because they are too lower class, instead Frenchicans would eat Frog Legs and Escargot and Duck A L'Orange.*People would drive Renaults instead of Nissan Tsurus and Combis.*Mexico would probably not exist because the US at some point after the colonization would be like "Mexico has oil, lets make it our bitch, fuck the french" and Mexique, run by french, would of surrendered to the US in less than an hour. Mexique would be New New Mexico....a US Territory