Random Facts About Me

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Random Facts About Me U Wish You Knew

*Im Left Handed in a lot of things. What? Find out!

*Enrique hates old drivers

*He hates people that drive 55 on the freeway, makes him wish he drove a bulldozer

*He is actually not an asshole, hes a nice guy, then he wakes up in the morning and he is an asshole...

*He Enjoys putting out oil fires by peeing on them

*I have never broken a bone. Ever.

*Contrary to popular belief that Enrique is a paisa ass mothafucker, his great great great grandpa was french.

*I speak french, read and write it but i speak it fucked up so never ask me to speak it...

*Favorite Beers: Pacifico, Modelo, Corona, Tecate. In the order

*favorite tequilas: Centenario, Cazadores, Patron, Jimador, in no order, all mixed up with Squirt! wooo!

*I was deathly afraid of carnaval clowns will i was 7 years old. Now theyre just creepy and serial killer-ish.

*My first car was a navy blue 1992 Ford Escort. Blue?!?! you say?!?! Yes, Blue.

*Most ordered Item and Jack in the Box: Number 6

*Number One Enemy in the World: Onions*Number Two Enemy in the World: Carlos Mencia

*Thoughts on stupid girls: "They need to be put inside a locked bus and pushed into a rain filled canal"On Politics: "Bush sucks butt holes"

* I talk entirely too much shit, people know that

*Im way smarter than I look. I could read at 4 years old.

*No im not a wetback, I was born in Berkeley.

*Number One music played in my car: Banda. Dont like it? Write a formal complaint to: Kiss my fucking Ass.

*My mom calls me Negro. Why? She doesnt know.

*To shoot Im left handed, to play a guitar left, to write, right handed, to color, left handed.

* I read books with no pictures in them, but i like to draw pictures in them.

*When I was five I danced el Jarabe Tapatio in Kindgergarden. Im still traumatized.

*Been almost arrested by not the police but close: A LAPD police chopper with a sniper focused on me and others...

* I Love tacos de tripa (fried cow intestine, mm)

*Beer does NOT cure my hangover. Makes me throw up more.

*Is a devout Catholic when faced with adversity and sticky situations

*Hates moronic girls with no self respect and knowledge.

*corridos are the shit.

*people hate me and like me because im a smartass.

*I have my tongue pierced.

* I have 4 tattoos, soon to be more

*I have 8 last names. Im Mexican, try to guess them all and win 1,000,000 pesos.

*Contrary to popular belief, not all Mexicans can swim, I cant. However I can clib a fence and a tree.

*Contrary to what people have said, I do NOT salute the Mexican flag every morning and sing the National Anthem out loud.

*Only things i trust are mis huevos cabrones. No, seriously.

* I was a Lego Maniac when I was little. Still Am. Haha

*favorite hobby: stabbing girls with my penis. Joke.

*i still play in Mc Donalds playgrounds, I dont care what the manager says.

*according to some, I hold conversations with toilets when Im drunk

*when im drunk im so nice, i make Mother Teresa seem like a mass murderer.

*i like anything mafia related. books, movies etc.

*i quote movies all the time and it annoys ppl.

*i argue too much with people and Im always right.

*i would make a good lawyer but im afraid of public speaking.

*I love opera. I had a wonderful operatic voice till puberty hit and now i sound like a cat being painfully tortured.

* I have OCD to a less extent than some. I only eat vegetables cut into small pieces NEVER BIG...and I only eat the Doritos with hella powder on them (Spicy Nacho n Cool Ranch). You call that crazy? I call it unique. : )

* I always watch a movie before falling asleep at night. If I dont I cant sleep.

*I dream in color, and they have plots, characters, drama, suspense, action. I dream historical dreams, action dreams, horror dreams...I think maybe cause I watch movies before sleeping...

*Im the first one in my family to graduate High School.

*I hate novelas. Mexican novelas. Other novelas might be ok.

*Even though I have been mistaken for a Fresa, I think the Fresa subculture has to dissapear from the face of the earth, I blame it for Mexico still being a third world country when it has the potential to be a First World Country...why? Dont ask me.

*Even though I love corridos, I hate Los Amos de Nuevo Leon y los Inkietos. Any pendejo can sing about snorting coke and smoking crystal... I took a shit earlier doesnt mean ima make a corrido called "Desmadre en el Bano"

* I like old school corridos and narco corridos. Not the stupid shit nowadays that talks about being high all the time... Drug addiction is not to be glamourized pendejos. Dont get high off your own product, bestias.

*I hate Fox News and Lou Dobbs. Im surprised these people have jobs really. I want a job where I can blame Obama and Mexicans for the Holocaust and World War I...mm...yay...money. My nina Aurelia shot Kennedy. she told me.

*Drink at the club: Long Island Iced Tea

*Drink at your moms house: Tequila, Coke, Sal y Limon.

*Im deaf in both ears and people don't believe me. Not entirely but yeah u get it.

*Doctors gave me 2 weeks to live when I was born. That was in July 1984. December 2008 and I'm still here causando desmadre...

*I have a hole in my heart that can possibly kill me. But Doctors say I should live my life and not be scared...lol

*Im addicted to Altoids Mints the tiny ones.

*I love Clam Chowder. In a can or a bread bowl in Fishermans Wharf in SF.

*When I have money I will have a bidet cause I think wiping my ass is a waste of my time

*When I have money I will also have a water fountain but instead of water it will have Micheladas

*When I have money I will employ Mexicans to do my various tasks. And every month I will reward them with a carne asada picnic at the park wit a lil 3 guy band that play norteno and corridos..Every Month. Whether they like it or not..

.*Sometime before im 95 years old I will own a nightclub.

* I like to save peoples relationships yet cannot save any of my own.

*I love to listen and offer advice. Yet no one listens to me.

*Somewhere in a beach in Puerto Vallarta, there is a bracelet with my name on it, buried in the sand.

*I love Lions. Its my favorite Animal. Guess Why?

*I love cock fights (no not the gay ones, the rooster ones) and horses.

*I hate the Kay Jewelry commercials (guy gives girl a diamond and she kisses him and falls in love with him. Anybody see something wrong here?) Lesson: Give a girl a diamond and she will love u forever. No, no, no, no she isnt a gold digging bitch she...jus...um...*ahem*....likes Diamonds.....yeah.

*Most awesome conversation I ever heard between 2 ppl: Girl: "my bf had a little dick, he sucked. we broke up". Guy: "can i fuck you with my huge dick? You will like it. Then ill throw you out like the bitch u are. Act like a bitch, get treated like one". Girl: "ugh ur mean". --- LMAO....OWNED!

* I have almost died on 2 occasions: Near fatal drowning when I was 11, and a car accident in 2006.

*I love Coca Cola. Especially Mexican Coca Cola.

*Burger King is my favorite. I always have it My Way.

*I absolutely hate Walnut Creek and everything in it and I will only go there when I absolutely have to.

* Im always chewing on a toothpick. For some reason it annoys some people.

*Ive seen the Mona Lisa at the Louvre. Its really small.

*I never wear the same facial hairstyle more than 3 weeks.

*Ramiro at Target used to call me "ese Enrique, lo maximooo"....why? I dont know.

*When I was little I wanted to be an Astronaut. Then an Archaelogist. Yup just like Indiana Jones.

* I think what we have to worry about is not terrorism, but Zombies. Im ready to fight the undead.

*I love Clam Chowder so much I have to say it again

*Im as real as they get. Dont believe me? Go ahead and touch me. Im real see?

*Im an optimist. I get Boo'ed for it.

*Im a hopeless romantic who believes in the goodness of people.

*I value Honor and Loyalty. I give it no matter what. Too bad some ppl are stupid.

*I want to see Macchu Picchu before I die.

*I have 27 pairs of shoes and only wear three.

*Ive visited 6 countries so far in my life time: United Kingdom, France, Germany, Switzerland, Mexico, and Nicaragua.

*and 10 Mexico states: Chihuahua, Colima, Jalisco, Michoacan, Nayarit, Sonora, Sinaloa, Guanajuato, Quintana Roo, Yucatan and Distrito Federal